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If only it were that easy kid, believe me

September 26th, 2014 No comments

My five-year-old, L, was yelling at the two-year-old, E, to move out of the way of the tv. She couldn’t see the last moments of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Snow White

If that guy’s your prince, I would have kept waiting, honey. Is that a shirt or an apron?

I employed the appropriate motherly tool of yelling from the kitchen, “E, down in front!” Somehow, that didn’t work, as L was continuing her verbal tirade against the door who would make a better window. Finally, I walked into the living room, only to see the words, “The End” on the screen.

“Relax, L. The movie’s over,” I said and walked out again. Yep, parenting at its finest, folks.

L, on the other hand, came up with a brilliant solution for avoiding future such egregious situations involving her little sister. 

“Mom,” she called to me. “E’s birthday shouldn’t be in March. We should move it closer so she’ll be older and listen better.”

Don’t I wish that were possible sometimes!

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I got this one, Dad

September 18th, 2014 Comments off

Our two-year-old would not stop dropping food on the floor at meal times. Whether she did it because she found that particular piece inedible, or because she enjoyed studying the spatial relation of the food on her tray versus the pile on the carpet below her, the habit seemed unbreakable. Our best effort at correction was to sternly say, “No,” and lightly rap the back of her hand.

This method maintained its desired effect for about five minutes, when our daughter, used to this routine and seemingly impervious to pain, decided to continue her scientific experiment. Just as was my husband was donning his authoritative expression, the perpetrator, sensing what was to come, firmly stated, Read more…

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We don’t talk to friends in this house

September 12th, 2014 Comments off

Seeing that a friend had a “No Soliciting” sign on her door, I decided to get one of my own, as I get knocks far too frequently for my liking. I am almost never presentable, (See “Mommy goes out on the town, before and after“) which makes these regrettable encounters all the worse, for the other person.

So even though I had the sign, it wasn’t yet up in the window of the door when some gentleman, probably from a solar panel company who was “doing work on others houses in my neighborhood,” as they always somehow seem to be, showed up.

Before I even let him speak I said, Read more…

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Categories: Children, Parenting is funny Tags:

They know us too well

September 6th, 2014 Comments off

I had the misfortune of walking into the kitchen just in time to hear my three-year-old son explaining to his father, “That’s not the refrigerator; that’s the door for snacks for Mommy.”

-Kimberly, mother 2

Read more funny parenting stories.

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AB 1951, the “Gay Birth Certificate” bill

August 27th, 2014 Comments off

natural marriage limits the stateI have always tried to argue that there is a very serious civil outcome to redefining marriage, and it has nothing to do with religious liberty or the idea of “sacramental marriage.”

Since marriage is society’s primary way of acknowledging and understanding parenthood, redefining marriage redefines parenthood. Here in California, the affects of “SSM” and redefining parenthood are rapidly making their way through the legislature. Last year, Gov. Brown signed a bill allowing three or more legal parents for children, which was inspired by a “SSM” custody dispute.

Now we have this: AB 1951. This bill will change birth certificates to allow for a gender neutral option for parents. Gay couples will be able to list both of themselves on the child’s birth certificate. California recently did away with the terms “husband” and “wife,” because of “SSM,” and the lead legislator for that measure said that those terms were outdated and biased. I suppose we can infer the same thing for “mother” and “father.”  Read more…

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Somebody call the contractor!

August 22nd, 2014 Comments off

I decided to rearrange some furniture the other day, and did so without my husband, hoping to surprise him. Things went well until I realized I would indeed have to give him a heads up. This was our instant message exchange:

me: I may or may not have taken a door off its hinges and then gotten a desk stuck in a doorway. I’ll let you decide when you get home.

him: ?? seriously? better not be the front door. Read more…

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That MUST be it!

August 16th, 2014 Comments off

My four-year-old saw a bird through the window screen. Somehow this elicited from her a very loud, very off-key rendition of the chorus from Frozen’s “Let it go.”

“The bird is not flying away,” she pauses to tell me.

“Maybe it likes your singing,” I suggest.

“Maybe it likes ‘Let it go,’” she tells me.

“That could be,” I say, and she keeps singing for all she’s worth. Finally, Read more…

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And there was great rejoicing in the land!

August 9th, 2014 Comments off

When one of the children loses a tooth, it is a very big deal. Not because they think, “Yea, I’m becoming a big girl!” or even “Cha-ching! Come on, Tooth Fairy!” But because it means a whole lot less whining going on around here.

Initially the loose tooth is an exciting topic of conversation, meriting daily, if not more frequent,  updates as in, “My tooth is a little wiggly!… I can move it back and forth!… Now I can move it left to right! See!” (open mouth shoved in face.) “Now I can touch the bottom of it with my tongue!…It’s hanging by a thread!”

You would think by the time we’ve reached that last level of development we’re sitting pretty, but no, that stage lasts about a week. These children will keep that tooth in there as though their lives depend on it. Why? Clearly they aren’t motivated by greed. They don’t worry they’ll have nothing to talk about once the tooth is gone. They’re not even concerned about diminished chewing quality when one tooth down. Nope. It’s the simple fear of pain.

Here’s where I go from being World’s Greatest Mom to, uh, something a little closer to the opposite extreme. Let me explain. Read more…

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The Conservative Divide: It’s Deeper than Marriage

August 4th, 2014 Comments off
One man plus one woman = two legally recognized parents for children.

One man plus one woman = two legally recognized parents for children.

I believe that the divide between conservatives on the marriage issue runs deeper than marriage. Over on Ricochet, on Peter Robinson’s marriage thread, several times I asked a question that went something like this:

Does society have a duty to place a nature-based limitation on the number of legally recognized parents for children?

There is a specific reason I asked this question. When it comes to legally recognized parents for children, there is a divide between the socially conservative view and the libertarian view. In fact, I don’t believe there is a principled difference between the libertarian view and the extreme Left on this particular point. By “extreme Left” I am referring specifically to Melissa Harris Perry’s remarks that she made in about March or April of 2013: Read more…

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Best kid quote of the day

August 2nd, 2014 Comments off
The girls are arguing over who gets to sit where in the bathtub. My oldest announced, “I always sit there for certain reasons that are needed in life!”

What?!

I couldn’t help but laugh, and she looked at me like, “What did I say?”

I would have asked her to elaborate, but I had to quickly run off and type this in. And to tell my husband, so we could enjoy the chuckle together.

Read more funny parenting moments here.

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