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Posts Tagged ‘parenting is funny’

You were thirsty and I gave you…eh, nevermind

July 4th, 2014 Comments off

We had two cubic yards of dirt delivered and dumped next to our driveway. I immediately got to work with a shovel and wheelbarrow, transporting the dirt all the way around to the side of the house where I needed it. It was a hot day and tiring work. My seven and five-year-old daughters were skipping along at my heels, to and fro. Finally I stopped, wiped my brow and said, “This is hard work. I could use some cold water.” My daughters immediately looked at each other with an expression of sudden inspiration. “We should help Dad!” one declared to the other, who answered with a nod. As I began to smile with satisfaction at my thoughtful, charitable little girls, my face suddenly fell as, instead of running inside for a glass of cool liquid refreshment, they each grabbed fistfuls of dirt and began carrying them around the house.

-Paul, father of 3

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WHY GOD MADE MOMS

July 4th, 2014 Comments off

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

 

Why did God make mothers?

1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born. Read more…

What a charmer

July 3rd, 2014 Comments off

As I was getting dressed one morning, my two-year-old daughter walked in and said, “Oh, you’re so pretty, Mommy.”

I replied, “Awh, thank you, Baby. Sometimes Mommy doesn’t feel pretty.”

After a long pause she said, “Then I guess you’re right,” and walked out the door.

-Trish, mother of 3

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And there was much rejoicing in the land!

July 2nd, 2014 Comments off

When one of the children loses a tooth, it is a very big deal. Not because they think, “Yea, I’m becoming a big girl!” or even “Cha-ching! Come on, Tooth Fairy!” But because it means a whole lot less whining going on around here.

Initially the loose tooth is an exciting topic of conversation, meriting daily, if not more frequent,  updates as in, “My tooth is a little wiggly!… I can move it back and forth!… Now I can move it left to right! See!” (open mouth shoved in face.) “Now I can touch the bottom of it with my tongue!…It’s hanging by a thread!” Read more…

Miscellaneous Silliness

June 25th, 2014 Comments off

Phrases you never imagined you’d ever say…and then you became a parent:

“No, do not put Jesus in your yogurt.” (from Rebecca, mother of 3) Read more…

Today I did my part to save the world

June 21st, 2014 Comments off

There was a bee on the window screen. Naturally, I wanted it to stay on the screen and to not fly around the house. Seeing it, my children would no doubt freak out and start climbing up the chimney to get away. So I did what any sensible woman would do in this situation: I quickly shut the window and went about my business. I figured I could just “wait the bee out.” Read more…

This woman is my hero!

June 12th, 2014 Comments off

My friend writes on facebook: “I feel like I’ve made a parenting breakthrough. The fastest way to get people to stop fighting is to give them a common enemy, and there’s no better enemy for a bickering two- and four-year-old than a mother with a dart gun.”

I wish she was my neighbor. I have so much to learn.

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Two signs of needing a change

June 6th, 2014 Comments off

Sign number 1–Change needed: sheets

English: flat sheets Deutsch: Bettlaken

English: flat sheets Deutsch: Bettlaken. You just learned a little German there. You’re welcome! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I changed the sheets on our bed. Admittedly, these probably don’t get changed as often as they should. The proof? When my daughter walked into the room, saw the folded sheets ready to put on the bare bed and asked, Read more…

The Little Brute

May 29th, 2014 Comments off

When we took our children to the park, the only thing our youngest, at 21 months, could do was climb about a foot up one of the giant tube slides.  At one point while she was doing this, a boy around five-years-old was coming down the slide, causing a slight jumble. My husband said, “Hey, no pushing.” So the boy’s father, sitting nearby said, “Be nice to the little girl.” To which my husband had to somewhat shamefully reply, “Actually, it was my daughter who was doing the pushing.”

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When kids are involved, it could be anything

May 17th, 2014 Comments off

The other day while washing my hands, I glanced into the mirror and noticed large brownish-reddish streaks across my forehead. “Why am I bleeding from the head? How did I not notice head trauma?” I thought. Upon closer inspection, it turned out to be fingerpaint.

Phew. Close call!

Teresa, mother of 2

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