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Posts Tagged ‘parenting is funny’

Kids are funny

December 19th, 2014 No comments

The girls were looking at their baby albums. My middle daughter, the most dramatic of the bunch by far, announced in a grandiose voice, “It’s time for the tale of the babies! Part One: Baby Gemma grows up!”

Also while looking at their pictures they saw their favorite stuffed animals when they were brand new. “Look how young Momma Bear and Ribbity are! Momma Bear was so fluffy back then.” I couldn’t help but laugh. They sounded like me when I look at pictures of my husband and myself from long ago. We were both much fluffier then.

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Parents say the darndest things

December 12th, 2014 Comments off

The other morning our son climbed in bed with us and asked my husband, “How come your armpits are so furry?”  My husband replied, “I ate a monster! When you get older you will eat a monster and get furry, too.” Then my son said, “Grandpa must have eaten a lot of monsters!”

Nicole, mother of 8

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As if there were any doubt…

December 5th, 2014 Comments off

More Proof that My Oldest Daughter is Truly My Child:

I was listening to one of my favorite songs when she wandered over and said, “I like this song. It attracted me the way an introductory paragraph should.”

Ah, my darling nerd. How I love you!

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Donut hands

November 22nd, 2014 Comments off

Some churches provide donuts after Mass for parishioners to munch while they mingle. This is a great bribery tool for parents who want their children to behave well at church. One son drew his Mother’s attention to his folded hands during Mass, saying “Look, Mom, donut hands!”

And here’s a little something from a friend of mine who teaches religion. This is CLASSIC!

I had my students do a journal entry for Isaac when he was going to be sacrificed by Abraham. Here is the end of one girl’s entry:
“….We sacrificed a ram instead. Then we went home, and as we were walking, my father said to me, more

Kids say the funniest things

November 14th, 2014 Comments off

My four-year-old daughter was so excited that I put bubbles in the bathtub she said, “I’m so happy I could just scream like a little girl!” Thank you for saying so rather than doing so.

Another time she asked my husband, “Dad, did Jesus make your hair very small?” She’d never seen him getting a hair cut, nor seemed to notice every time it was shorter, so it seemed a valid question.

My seven-year-old daughter was making mistakes with her math worksheet. She wasn’t paying attention to whether or not it was an addition or subtraction problem, as it kept changing on her. I said, “Pay attention to the symbol. The symbol is key.”

She responded in a flowy voice: Read more…

A statement made in households the world over

November 8th, 2014 Comments off

My seven-year-old caught me on Facebook when I was supposed to be helping the kids with their night-time routine.  She proceeded to scold me: “Mom, you better get off that computer ’cause that won’t put us to bed!”

She was so right.

-Anne, mother of 5

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So close…

October 31st, 2014 Comments off

I’m trying my hand at novel writing. My oldest is eager to read my book. I’ve caught her a couple of times trying to read over my shoulder as I type, but I’ve told her she’s too young for it. At dinner she asked, “Can I just read the parts that I’m not too young for?” I said she can read it when it’s published. She’ll probably have children of her own by then, so it should be all good.

Then my seven-year-old said, “Maybe your book will be made into a movie.”

“That would be great!” I said, impressed that she was looking out for the success of her momma.

But then she added, Read more…

The laundry gods are smiling upon me

October 24th, 2014 Comments off

Perhaps they’re just pleased that I’m finally washing all those clothes.

Here’s my laundry method. There’s a reason I’m spelling it out for you. Wait for iiiiiiiittttt!

1. Procrastinate until laundry basket is full to overflowing.

2. Pick up scattered articles of clothing that have fallen off the laundry heap and shove them back in the basket. Read more…

This is how we solve problems in our household

October 18th, 2014 Comments off

Observe:

“MOMMY! Paul won’t give me the big sticker!”

“Well, John, why don’t you suggest a solution? Maybe find out why he’s saving the big sticker, or maybe see if there’s another sticker he *would* give you, or maybe trade two of your little stickers for his big sticker. Could you try to work something out?”

“Ok…I will…
…PAUL!!! MOMMY SAYS YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME THE BIG STICKER!”

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Dad is Fat

October 10th, 2014 Comments off

This is the title of a book I’m reading by comedian Jim Gaffigan. It’s pretty funny. I recommend it for all you parents out there. Lots to relate to. For me it’s him talking about how pale he and his children are. I totally get that. He even graced his book with a picture of himself in his swim shirt. I get that too.

My four-year-old has a full-body swimsuit. It’s actually called a rash guard–what surfers wear to avoid getting a rash from contact with their board. Why they make these in size 4 I’ll never understand. I can’t exactly picture my little girl hanging 10. Read more…