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Posts Tagged ‘parenting is funny’

Donut hands

November 22nd, 2014 No comments

Some churches provide donuts after Mass for parishioners to munch while they mingle. This is a great bribery tool for parents who want their children to behave well at church. One son drew his Mother’s attention to his folded hands during Mass, saying “Look, Mom, donut hands!”

And here’s a little something from a friend of mine who teaches religion. This is CLASSIC!

I had my students do a journal entry for Isaac when he was going to be sacrificed by Abraham. Here is the end of one girl’s entry:
“….We sacrificed a ram instead. Then we went home, and as we were walking, my father said to me, more

Kids say the funniest things

November 14th, 2014 Comments off

My four-year-old daughter was so excited that I put bubbles in the bathtub she said, “I’m so happy I could just scream like a little girl!” Thank you for saying so rather than doing so.

Another time she asked my husband, “Dad, did Jesus make your hair very small?” She’d never seen him getting a hair cut, nor seemed to notice every time it was shorter, so it seemed a valid question.

My seven-year-old daughter was making mistakes with her math worksheet. She wasn’t paying attention to whether or not it was an addition or subtraction problem, as it kept changing on her. I said, “Pay attention to the symbol. The symbol is key.”

She responded in a flowy voice: Read more…

A statement made in households the world over

November 8th, 2014 Comments off

My seven-year-old caught me on Facebook when I was supposed to be helping the kids with their night-time routine.  She proceeded to scold me: “Mom, you better get off that computer ’cause that won’t put us to bed!”

She was so right.

-Anne, mother of 5

Read more funny parenting stories.

So close…

October 31st, 2014 Comments off

I’m trying my hand at novel writing. My oldest is eager to read my book. I’ve caught her a couple of times trying to read over my shoulder as I type, but I’ve told her she’s too young for it. At dinner she asked, “Can I just read the parts that I’m not too young for?” I said she can read it when it’s published. She’ll probably have children of her own by then, so it should be all good.

Then my seven-year-old said, “Maybe your book will be made into a movie.”

“That would be great!” I said, impressed that she was looking out for the success of her momma.

But then she added, Read more…

The laundry gods are smiling upon me

October 24th, 2014 Comments off

Perhaps they’re just pleased that I’m finally washing all those clothes.

Here’s my laundry method. There’s a reason I’m spelling it out for you. Wait for iiiiiiiittttt!

1. Procrastinate until laundry basket is full to overflowing.

2. Pick up scattered articles of clothing that have fallen off the laundry heap and shove them back in the basket. Read more…

This is how we solve problems in our household

October 18th, 2014 Comments off

Observe:

“MOMMY! Paul won’t give me the big sticker!”

“Well, John, why don’t you suggest a solution? Maybe find out why he’s saving the big sticker, or maybe see if there’s another sticker he *would* give you, or maybe trade two of your little stickers for his big sticker. Could you try to work something out?”

“Ok…I will…
…PAUL!!! MOMMY SAYS YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME THE BIG STICKER!”

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Dad is Fat

October 10th, 2014 Comments off

This is the title of a book I’m reading by comedian Jim Gaffigan. It’s pretty funny. I recommend it for all you parents out there. Lots to relate to. For me it’s him talking about how pale he and his children are. I totally get that. He even graced his book with a picture of himself in his swim shirt. I get that too.

My four-year-old has a full-body swimsuit. It’s actually called a rash guard–what surfers wear to avoid getting a rash from contact with their board. Why they make these in size 4 I’ll never understand. I can’t exactly picture my little girl hanging 10. Read more…

Alas, poor butterfly. I knew him well.

October 4th, 2014 Comments off

From parentingisfunny.wordpress.com

It was my fault, really. I spotted the butterfly just standing there on our back patio. I called the girls over to see it. They came on tiptoes. Then they sat in awe and spoke in hushed tones, not wishing to disturb it or scare it away.

Attempts to get them to eat breakfast were thwarted by the mystique of the orange, black, and white. Soon sketch pads came out and whole pages were being devoted to the majesty of the monarch. Read more…

If only it were that easy kid, believe me

September 26th, 2014 Comments off

My five-year-old, L, was yelling at the two-year-old, E, to move out of the way of the tv. She couldn’t see the last moments of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Snow White

If that guy’s your prince, I would have kept waiting, honey. Is that a shirt or an apron?

I employed the appropriate motherly tool of yelling from the kitchen, “E, down in front!” Somehow, that didn’t work, as L was continuing her verbal tirade against the door who would make a better window. Finally, I walked into the living room, only to see the words, “The End” on the screen.

“Relax, L. The movie’s over,” I said and walked out again. Yep, parenting at its finest, folks.

L, on the other hand, came up with a brilliant solution for avoiding future such egregious situations involving her little sister. 

“Mom,” she called to me. “E’s birthday shouldn’t be in March. We should move it closer so she’ll be older and listen better.”

Don’t I wish that were possible sometimes!

I got this one, Dad

September 18th, 2014 Comments off

Our two-year-old would not stop dropping food on the floor at meal times. Whether she did it because she found that particular piece inedible, or because she enjoyed studying the spatial relation of the food on her tray versus the pile on the carpet below her, the habit seemed unbreakable. Our best effort at correction was to sternly say, “No,” and lightly rap the back of her hand.

This method maintained its desired effect for about five minutes, when our daughter, used to this routine and seemingly impervious to pain, decided to continue her scientific experiment. Just as was my husband was donning his authoritative expression, the perpetrator, sensing what was to come, firmly stated, Read more…