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Archive for the ‘Survivors of the Sexual Revolution’ Category

Dear Heterosexual Community: Your Kids Are Hurting, Part 2

April 6th, 2015 Comments off

Part One of this series is located here.

How savvy are you about step-families? Do you understand the structural similarity between step-families and same-sex marriage? Take the Step-Family Quiz to test your knowledge. I created this quiz as an engaging way to help defenders of marriage understand the cultural blind-spot that we have about step-families. Of course anybody is welcome to take it. But it is geared towards those who believe that marriage is only between a man and a woman. By the end it should become apparent why I have focused on marriage defenders. There are five questions and their answers, plus a bonus question at the end.

1. Which group was the first to claim there is “no difference” between the intact family founded on natural marriage and other family structures?

  • a. Heterosexuals
  • b. Homosexuals

2. When was that claim first made, and what form did it take?

Read more…

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Four Christmases: The Superstition of Divorce

December 16th, 2014 Comments off

A superstition is something we believe in spite of the evidence, because we like the way it makes us feel.

For example: “I can solve all my problems if I could just divorce my spouse, and try again to find the Perfect Soulmate.”Four_Christmases-Movie_Poster

Do you remember the movie, Four Christmases, the Reese Witherspoon, Vince Vaughn Christmas movie from 2008?  The premise of this movie is that Reese and Vince have 4 Christmases: one with each one of their divorced and remarried parents.  I wrote a column about this film when it came out.

Popular culture has a way of reflecting the anxieties and ambiguities of our age, sometimes without quite meaning to. Christmas 2008’s bit of holiday eye candy, Four Christmases, illustrates the anxiety around insecure relationships, across the generations. The title comes from the visits that a happily unmarried yuppie couple must make to their two sets of divorced parents. But the movie could be called The Superstitions of Divorce. It strips away the lies we tell ourselves to justify our rejection of one another….

Not a one of these first three parents has learned a thing from their divorces. Boyfriend and Girlfriend are not deceived by their parents’ efforts to absolve themselves: They still have the same problems and crazy behavior. The new love interest doesn’t solve their problems.

Another superstition: “The kids will be fine as long as their parents are happy. Kids are resilient.”

Social science can now tell us for certain that this is untrue, as can millions of children of divorce who are now old enough to speak for Read more…

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“No One Told Me It Was Wrong”

December 11th, 2014 Comments off

The California Catholic Daily picked up my MercatorNet article, with this new and I think, more appealing title.

My husband and I traveled to St. Joachim’s parish in Madera CA to participate in a marriage preparation/marriage enrichment weekend. This parish is manned by an order of priests, the Oblates of St. Joseph. They have been perfecting this particular retreat, “Life-giving Love” for quite a few years.

The title of my article comes from this anecdote that I recounted from the weekend:

The betrothal of Mary and Joseph, by Raphael

The betrothal of Mary and Joseph, by Raphael

Another couple shared that they had each been married before. One of their marriages had ended through death, the other through an annulment. Each of them had sterilized themselves during the course of their first marriages. The husband had made the decision to have a vasectomy. The wife decided to have her tubes tied. She decided this without consulting her then-husband. She had it done while she was in recovery from delivering her third child.

This couple was the most powerful couple of the whole weekend. They sat in front of us weeping openly about these decisions to sterilize themselves. They came to see that the reasons they gave themselves originally were not good enough. They spoke of their regrets. The most powerful regret was that they could not become parents together with their new sacramental spouse.

They spoke of their love for the church. “No one told me it was wrong.” The man said repeatedly, through his tears. “If only I had known. If only someone had told me.”

This is the down-side of the clergy not talking about the Church’s teaching on marriage. People have to figure it out for themselves by trial and error. And the “errors” can be really painful, and irrevocable.

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The Ruth Institute is on a Mission.

October 30th, 2014 Comments off

hexagonStudy2The Ruth Institute has a Dream that every child be welcomed into a loving home with a married mother and father.

The Ruth Institute has a Vision: The Survivors of the Sexual Revolution change the narrative around sex, marriage, and family and create a cultural climate favorable to lifelong married love. The Survivors include, but are not limited to: Adult Children of Divorce; Successful, but Heartbroken Career Women; the Reluctantly Divorced; Donor Conceived Adult Children; Post-Abortive Women. The Survivors of the Sexual Revolution are resolute, courageous people, who reach out to offer help and healing to the younger generation.

The Ruth Institute has a Mission: We inspire the Survivors of the Sexual Revolution to recover from their negative experiences and to share their stories with the young.

Learn more about the Ruth Institute here.

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PROPOSAL: gender-based civil unions

October 7th, 2014 Comments off

Proposal from the Ruth Institute:

Gender-Based Civil Unions

Since an essential public purpose of civil marriage in the United States has been to attach mothers and fathers to their children and to one another, and since this essential purpose is being overwritten and therefore discarded due to gender neutral marriage and parenting laws, we propose the following:

To establish civil unions that are gender based–one man and one woman. With respect to taxation, parentage, federal benefits, etc. (reference), they will be legally equivalent to (now gender neutral) marriage in everything but the name. The legal doctrine that was formerly known as the marital presumption of paternity, which existed in order to attach the father to the family, was distorted into the marital presumption of parentage under gender neutral marriage and parentage. It shall be restored to its former function of attaching the father to the family for these civil unions. Gender based terms shall be used to describe the parties, such as male, female, mother, father, etc.

Male/female couples who were previously considered married under the gender neutral system may opt into a gender-based civil union. Churches who uphold marriage as the union between a man and a woman can perform these ceremonies under whatever name they wish. If they wish to call it marriage, they can do so. There will be no speech restrictions regarding what individuals, churches, or other private entities call these unions. However, with respect to the legal code, they will be called civil unions.

Regarding divorce: generally, we prefer the state to have a higher bar to overcome before getting involved in a divorce for these civil unions than it does currently for civil marriage. Michael J. McManus, in the Spring 2011 edition of The Family in America (reference), proposes what he calls “Three Achievable No-Fault Reforms.” They are:

  1. Mutual Consent.
  2. Parental Divorce Reduction Act.
  3. Responsible Spouse/Fit Parent.

We are open to discussion about any of these or other reasonable proposals. Our primary goals are to reaffirm sex differences in the legal code and to reaffirm the father’s attachment to the family. Secondarily, we see these civil unions as an opportunity to make long-needed reforms to divorce laws.

If you like this idea, we encourage you to share this post with your friends. You can also support our work by making a donation today. Donate safely via Paypal.

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Family Secrets and Embarrassment

September 10th, 2014 Comments off

A note from a Facebook friend prompted me to reflect on family secrets and their potentially toxic impact on relationships.

I want you to know why I have not responded to your call to “share our stories.” I cannot tell the whole of my story until some in it are no longer living- I guess we all keep our secrets to some extent. I just wanted to let you know I’m paying attention, even if there is no evidence of it. Keep the faith!! 

Family Secrets: hush!

Family Secrets: hush!

Here is my response to her:

Thank you my friend. This means a lot to me.  I do not know that I would speak out so boldly, if my own parents were still living.

Having said that, let me encourage you to consider this:

Family secrets can be poisonous. Be on the lookout for situations where hidden information is burdening someone unnecessarily. Sharing parts of your story could be very healing for younger members of your family.

Sometimes, younger family members have suspicions about some Forbidden Topic. No one is willing to talk about the subject at all. The suspicions never get confirmed or denied. The Read more…

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My Story of Survival

August 29th, 2014 Comments off

by Randali (not her real name)

After years of conflict between my experience and the sexual revolution narrative, I stopped being sexually active and focused on rebuilding myself. I sought alternative views on sexuality and discovered Theology of the Body [by St. Pope John Paul II] which rang very true. I wish someone had told me these things earlier instead of having to re-invent the wheel alone in the 21st century.

I was born and raised in Lebanon. I was baptized Maronite but I grew up in a secular, progressive bubble. I used to read Western

I wish someone had told me....

I wish someone had told me….

magazines and brainwashed myself into the sexual liberation ideology. Sex was like a pleasant massage and a healthy physical activity I was eager to try. My only hard limits were age and consent. But everything was permissible between two (or more) consenting adults. This was the official party line. Read more…

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