Teen pregnancy: It’s the attitude, stupid
The thought of kids having kids is really disturbing to me. I had my first child when I was 25, and I can say, it’s serious business. I can’t imagine doing it while trying to go to high school or even college. And who is really going to be raising these children anyhow? My guess is, the grandmothers. Let’s do a survey of how mothers of pregnant teens feel about teen pregnancy.
The picture a 13-year-old boy sitting next to his baby, which accompanied an article on this topic a while back, still burns in my memory. It was such a heart-wrenching sight. The thirteen-year-old looked so tiny. Plus his face spoke volumes of “What have I gotten myself into?” This dad is still asking to have his pb and j cut into triangles and for rides to the library. I wouldn’t let a 13-year-old boy babysit my toddlers. Babies deserve more.
by Carolyn Moynihan
The “comprehensive” sex education crowd in the United States are fond of saying that abstinence-only education has been responsible for the stalling of a downward trend in teenage pregnancies and childbearing that started about 1995. A new government report, however, suggests another reason.
The other reason is motivation, and it has a lot to do with the boys.
Data from the 2006-2008 National Survey of Family Growth shows that most teenagers who have ever had sex (about 40 per cent of all teens) used contraception the first time: 79 per cent of females and 87 per cent of males. Condoms had been used at least once by 95 per cent of these young people. But, but… most of them think it is OK for a unmarried girl to have a baby and a significant number would be happy if they did. HealthDay reports:
Seventy-one percent of female teens in 2006-2008 “agreed” or “strongly agreed” that “it is OK for an unmarried female to have a child,” about the same proportion as 2002. But now 64 percent of males agreed with the statement, up from 50 percent in 2002.
Fourteen percent of females and 18 percent of males interviewed said they would be “a little pleased” or “very pleased” if they or their partner got pregnant. On the flip side, 58 percent of never-married female teens and 47 percent of males said they would be “very upset” if this happened, pointing to the importance of motivation in not getting pregnant.
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It’s because teens have romantic ideas about parenthood. For some young women, especially those raised in abusive homes, a baby is a chance for unconditional love. Sad, but true. For other young women, becoming a teen mom is what causes them to turn their lives around. I know that it did for me. Yes, of course it’s better if kids wait to have sex; I tell my teenage daughter this all of the time. But if every kid that was having sex had access to contraceptives and knew how to properly use them, I bet the numbers of teen pregnancies would decline. What’s scary are the kids who are having sex and who are not armed with information about how to protect themselves, or who, worse yet, believe it’s “not cool” to use condoms. That truly frightens me because these kids are exposing themselves to lifelong, and sometimes deadly, diseases.
Not sure it’s really that big of a deal that teens don’t think you need to be married to have a baby. They probably know other single or unmarried parents that are raising children successfully. It DOES happen, you know. Neither procreation nor marriage are dependent upon one another. My daughter turned out just fine, and her father and I never married. However, we did both remain involved and active in her life, and we did work really hard to respect one another as the other parent. A little maturity goes a long way when it comes to good outcomes for children. I have straight friends in their thirties who own a house together, have been in a monogamous relationship for years, and who are on their third baby together, but who refuse to get married until their gay and lesbian friends can get married. They don’t want to be part of a discriminatory institution. I wonder how many young adults these days feel the same way? Wouldn’t it be ironic if the discriminatory position of social conservatives on the topic of same-sex marriage was the factor most responsible for the decline in “traditional” marriage? We either promote marriage as a society or we don’t. And by seeking to exclude gays and lesbians, you are telling young adults who care deeply about equality that marriage is not an institution for them.
Um.
In cities and schools across the US there is free access to condoms. Dr’s and clinics pass out contraceptives with no hesitation. Unless you are not living in the US (with some exceptions) I find it hard to believe that at the age of 13 you do not have access to contraceptives or have not heard that you should “protect” yourself if you are sexually active. It is 2010 contraceptives are not a secret on any level.
I am pretty sure that we could look at statistics now over the last 50 years (contraceptives really started to enter mainstream in the 60′s) and find as condoms and other contraceptives became more abundant so did everything else… teen pregnancies, HIV, divorce, women and children living in poverty, STD’s…… Passing out condoms and talking about sex doesn’t make people not want to be sexually active. In fact you have the opposite effect. Talk to any grown man who actually has some control of their of their sexuality and ask them if talking about sex, condoms, how to use condoms, contraceptives, and their body parts has any effect on their desire to have sex. I would be willing to bet that atleast 4 out of 5 men would say that this would peak their sexual curiosity. Now unleash this conversation on a teenager. Doesn’t it just make sense as to why we have a problem?
As for 2 people having a monogamous relationship, on their 3rd child and not getting married because their friends can’t? Maybe they shouldn’t be getting married. Since when is real marital love of two people and the expression of that love dependent on your neighbor?
“Since when is real marital love of two people and the expression of that love dependent on your neighbor?”
When you love your neighbor as yourself.
And my teenage daughter knows all about sex, contraception, condoms, STDs, etc., and she’s not sexually active yet. How do I know? Because she talks to me about everything and because she doesn’t have long periods of unsupervised time. Oh, and maybe also because I don’t approach the topic of sex as “just say no,” like my parents and my church did. Kids, and especially teenagers, sometimes have this strange habit of doing the opposite of whatever their parents tell them. And sometimes they respond better when you treat them with respect and intelligence, engaging in dialogue instead of authoritarianism.
Regarding your comment “When you love your neighbor as yourself”
Yes! We should love our neighbor as our self. I couldn’t agree with you more.
However, I think there might be some confusion here regarding the word “dependent”. Let me explain how I understand a dependent relationship and independent relationship. We should love one another independent of one another. A dependent kind of love can be dangerous. I love my neighbor as myself but if my neighbor wants to harm themselves I am not going to harm myself to make them feel better, that would be a dependent type of love. I love my neighbor for who they are despite our differences. I shouldn’t try to be just like my neighbor. We are all different, we all have different gifts, talents, personalities and appearances and we should be loved despite these differences. And it is because we are different that every relationship we have is unique. For Christmas I don’t give everyone the same gift I would give myself. I give a gift I believe they would enjoy that is unique to them, because I love them independently of eachother and myself.
I think we might have tripped upon the very heart of this issue and many other issues and why we have such disparity it opinions. I think we could probably agree that most people want the best for one another it is just that we have different understandings or rather misunderstandings of real love and if real love is dependency.
Regarding your current household situation.
I am sure you are doing everything you think is best for your daughter and trying to do it better then what was done for you, that is what we are all doing. However, the abstinence only program and ideal has proven results which is why I believe it works. Abstinence only doesn’t mean we don’t talk about sex or have conversations with our children regarding sex. It means that I as a parent am the one who talks to my children about this issue, not the school and not the doctor, me. How am I ever going to have any handle of this issue if I don’t talk to my children about it. We can agree dialogue about this issue is imperative for success.