Comments on: Anonymous Sperm Donors and Family Secrets http://www.ruthblog.org/2009/12/16/anonymous-sperm-donors-and-family-secrets/ An intellectual climate favorable to marriage Thu, 09 Sep 2010 04:33:35 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Betsy http://www.ruthblog.org/2009/12/16/anonymous-sperm-donors-and-family-secrets/comment-page-1/#comment-658 Betsy Tue, 29 Dec 2009 18:37:51 +0000 http://www.ruthblog.org/?p=835#comment-658 Kim, thank you so much for your comment. I'm sorry for what happened to you. Thanks for your insight. And Amen to your last statement. Kim, thank you so much for your comment. I’m sorry for what happened to you. Thanks for your insight.
And Amen to your last statement.

]]> By: Kim http://www.ruthblog.org/2009/12/16/anonymous-sperm-donors-and-family-secrets/comment-page-1/#comment-656 Kim Tue, 29 Dec 2009 05:19:12 +0000 http://www.ruthblog.org/?p=835#comment-656 Keeping gamete donation a secret is not the answer. If childless women are abused and put under pressure to keep the infertility of their male partners a secret by their faith groups, I would seriously be questioning the morals which lie within these groups! I can't imagine how heart breaking it must be to be unable to conceive, but as a donor conceived adult I know the pain and confusion of being separated from my biological kin. In all of this the child's needs should be paramount. And trust me the old phrase "what they don't know won't hurt them" does not ring true for donor conceived children. I have only known of my conception since I was 21, but have always had issues with identity and felt as though a part of me was "missing". I also believe that God intended man and woman to "know" each other when creating a child. Keeping gamete donation a secret is not the answer. If childless women are abused and put under pressure to keep the infertility of their male partners a secret by their faith groups, I would seriously be questioning the morals which lie within these groups!
I can’t imagine how heart breaking it must be to be unable to conceive, but as a donor conceived adult I know the pain and confusion of being separated from my biological kin. In all of this the child’s needs should be paramount. And trust me the old phrase “what they don’t know won’t hurt them” does not ring true for donor conceived children. I have only known of my conception since I was 21, but have always had issues with identity and felt as though a part of me was “missing”.
I also believe that God intended man and woman to “know” each other when creating a child.

]]> By: Jennifer Roback Morse http://www.ruthblog.org/2009/12/16/anonymous-sperm-donors-and-family-secrets/comment-page-1/#comment-642 Jennifer Roback Morse Mon, 21 Dec 2009 20:31:48 +0000 http://www.ruthblog.org/?p=835#comment-642 dadams: I agreee: I haven't seen any competent academic arguments that take all the interests into account. I have to say that the religious people seem to be the only ones who are even taking the long-term view that includes the interests of the child seriously. I believe this is because we take "autonomy" for granted as teh highest goal in modern society. so non-autonomous people, such as infants, children and embryoes, don't get counted in people's thinking. In fact, we dont' even know how to think about these dependent people. It is only some religions such as teh Catholic church, that have thought seriously about the proper relationship between individual autonomy and personal dependence. everybody is dependent at birth, so autonomy can't be the one and only criterion. Most modern philosophers are simply incoherent on this point. dadams: I agreee: I haven’t seen any competent academic arguments that take all the interests into account. I have to say that the religious people seem to be the only ones who are even taking the long-term view that includes the interests of the child seriously. I believe this is because we take “autonomy” for granted as teh highest goal in modern society. so non-autonomous people, such as infants, children and embryoes, don’t get counted in people’s thinking. In fact, we dont’ even know how to think about these dependent people. It is only some religions such as teh Catholic church, that have thought seriously about the proper relationship between individual autonomy and personal dependence. everybody is dependent at birth, so autonomy can’t be the one and only criterion. Most modern philosophers are simply incoherent on this point.

]]> By: dadams http://www.ruthblog.org/2009/12/16/anonymous-sperm-donors-and-family-secrets/comment-page-1/#comment-632 dadams Sun, 20 Dec 2009 22:19:53 +0000 http://www.ruthblog.org/?p=835#comment-632 If you are religious and your faith equates DI with adultery then you shouldn't do it nor destigmatize it because that is your faith. No one shoulder alter their beliefs for their own gain. If they wish to continue to follow the path of DI then perhaps they need to find another faith or group that doesn't look at it that way. However, when analyzing the process of donating reproductive material it should not be such a subjective issue as religion. It should be an academic arguement based on knowledge of human and societal factors that determine our construct of family. And as yet I have not seen any model put forward that achieves this so that all parties including and most importantly the child benefit without possibility of harm from any donated arrangement. Too many adult offspring report of their problems as a direct result of being donor conceived for this to be ignored. Their plight is reflected in the many facets that exist within the adopted community. I see it everyday when I talk to other donated offspring and I see it everytime I look in the mirror. If you are religious and your faith equates DI with adultery then you shouldn’t do it nor destigmatize it because that is your faith. No one shoulder alter their beliefs for their own gain. If they wish to continue to follow the path of DI then perhaps they need to find another faith or group that doesn’t look at it that way.
However, when analyzing the process of donating reproductive material it should not be such a subjective issue as religion. It should be an academic arguement based on knowledge of human and societal factors that determine our construct of family. And as yet I have not seen any model put forward that achieves this so that all parties including and most importantly the child benefit without possibility of harm from any donated arrangement.
Too many adult offspring report of their problems as a direct result of being donor conceived for this to be ignored. Their plight is reflected in the many facets that exist within the adopted community.
I see it everyday when I talk to other donated offspring and I see it everytime I look in the mirror.

]]> By: Karen http://www.ruthblog.org/2009/12/16/anonymous-sperm-donors-and-family-secrets/comment-page-1/#comment-612 Karen Sat, 19 Dec 2009 01:28:42 +0000 http://www.ruthblog.org/?p=835#comment-612 The fundamental truth I was referring to: The Vatican Dignitas Personae http://www.usccb.org/comm/Dignitaspersonae/Dignitas_Personae.pdf and The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops Life-Giving Love in an Age of Technology http://www.usccb.org/LifeGivingLove/lifegivinglovedocument.pdf The fundamental truth I was referring to:

The Vatican
Dignitas Personae
http://www.usccb.org/comm/Dignitaspersonae/Dignitas_Personae.pdf

and

The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops
Life-Giving Love in an Age of Technology
http://www.usccb.org/LifeGivingLove/lifegivinglovedocument.pdf

]]> By: Karen http://www.ruthblog.org/2009/12/16/anonymous-sperm-donors-and-family-secrets/comment-page-1/#comment-611 Karen Sat, 19 Dec 2009 00:00:42 +0000 http://www.ruthblog.org/?p=835#comment-611 It is impossible to de-stigmatize because it goes against a fundamental truth. I understand why Christian parents would feel it necessary to keep these toxic secrets but it does pose the question – What would Jesus do? A fellow donor conceived friend of mine writes on these issues from her Christian perspective on a blog titled "My Father's Daughter: Looking to my heavenly father while I search for my biological father" She writes beautifully about the confusion and yes, pain, that her conception method has created for her. On one of her more recent postings, I had commented on how donor conception, Jesus, Christianity and the TRUTH all tie together: See: http://donorchild.blogspot.com/2009/11/thanksgiving.html AND my comment: Stephanie, What a wonderful Thanksgiving gift you gave to your dad. I'm sure this is secret has been a great burden that has been lifted from his shoulders - to know that his sweet-cherished daughter loves him regardless of bio-genetic connection. As far as I understand, Jesus was the first 'artifically conceived' child person in historial record. That did not make Joseph any less his dad nor did it change their love for each other. But it goes without saying that Jesus knew who his father was and had very meaningful relationship with him. :) I love your perspective. Keep writing. -Karen It is impossible to de-stigmatize because it goes against a fundamental truth. I understand why Christian parents would feel it necessary to keep these toxic secrets but it does pose the question – What would Jesus do?

A fellow donor conceived friend of mine writes on these issues from her Christian perspective on a blog titled “My Father’s Daughter: Looking to my heavenly father while I search for my biological father”

She writes beautifully about the confusion and yes, pain, that her conception method has created for her. On one of her more recent postings, I had commented on how donor conception, Jesus, Christianity and the TRUTH all tie together:

See:
http://donorchild.blogspot.com/2009/11/thanksgiving.html

AND my comment:

Stephanie,
What a wonderful Thanksgiving gift you gave to your dad. I’m sure this is secret has been a great burden that has been lifted from his shoulders – to know that his sweet-cherished daughter loves him regardless of bio-genetic connection.

As far as I understand, Jesus was the first ‘artifically conceived’ child person in historial record. That did not make Joseph any less his dad nor did it change their love for each other. But it goes without saying that Jesus knew who his father was and had very meaningful relationship with him. :)

I love your perspective. Keep writing.
-Karen

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