Children affected as soon as divorce proceedings begin
There have been various studies looking at how children are affected after their parents’ divorce. A newly-released study looks at the effects of divorce before, during, and after:
Young kids whose parents divorce struggle with math, social skills and emotions such as anxiety and depression for at least two years after the split, a new study finds.
The research is the first long-term study to break down the effects of divorce by the predivorce, during-divorce and postdivorce phases. Surprisingly, said study researcher Hyun Sik Kim, a doctoral candidate at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, parents’ predivorce marital problems didn’t influence their kids’ social and school success. But once divorce proceedings began, children fell behind and failed to catch up for at least two years. [emphasis added] ….
He found that kids of divorce began to struggle as soon as their parents began divorce proceedings. Over the next two years, the kids of divorce stayed behind other kids on math skills and social skills and they began “internalizing behavior problems,” that is, behavior problems that manifest themselves by way of sadness, loneliness, anxiety and depression, Kim found.
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All one has to do is talk to the children of divorce to know all this is true. I have first-hand knowledge – my four siblings and I are children of divorce.
I am also a child of divorce, and it was the best decision that my mother ever made. By choosing to leave my father, she chose to protect herself and her five children from his abuse. Needless to say, none of us children suffered when our parents divorced!
I am sure that children struggle when divorce proceedings begin because all too many adults fail to put their children first as they go through the process. Children are often used as weapons by one parent against the other, and things are said in the presence of children that should not be. I am also sure that there are many children who do not suffer when their parents divorce because their parents act like adults and work hard to make the children know that each parent loves and supports them. Although we were never married, my daughter’s father and I were together until our daughter was almost 8 years old. Was she upset when we broke up? Of course she was. But she did not suffer in school or in any other aspect of her life. Both her father and I worked very hard together to make sure our daughter knew how much we loved her. She will be graduating tonight from high school with honors, and both sides of her family will be there to cheer her success. We will all sit together–myself, my partner, my daughter’s father, his wife, grandparents, aunts and uncles. The problem is not divorce by itself. It is the immature and hurtful behaviors of the adults that cause problems for children. In fact, some courts now mandate that divorcing spouses attend co-parenting workshops so that they can learn how to be great parents together even after the marriage ends.
@Heidi The problem is the immature and destructive behaviors which lead to divorce in the first place. All divorce does is carry it over.
People living together without a legal paper are acting as husband and wife, so I could never understand the point of not getting married. In many states they are considered to be common-law married anyway.
Heidi,
Congratulations on your daughter’s graduation!
“People living together without a legal paper are acting as husband and wife, so I could never understand the point of not getting married.”
A lot of people want live-in companionship, but don’t want to marry. That’s why they live together without getting married.
@Sean The point, Sean, is that they are living as if they are married. Marriage doesn’t suddenly change the relationship. Which is also a point about same-sex unions. Demanding marriage doesn’t suddenly change their relationship, no matter how often you want to claim otherwise.
Thank you Ginny!
I am currently conducting of survey of people whose parents divorced before they reached the age of 18. The purpose of this short, confidential on-line survey is to help us better serve current children whose parents have divorced. Please help by filling out the survey at http://divorceministry4kids.com.